Inside No. 9(2014)

1 - Zanzibar

Welcome to Londons Hotel Zanzibar. Our varied guests have travelled from afar. Proposals, plots and prostitutes combine. Its a comedy of errors on floor nine.

1 - The Bill

A night out with your friends at a local restaurant, some tapas and a few drinks after the badminton - sounds like a lot of fun. But ultimately, of course, somebody has to pay.

1 - La Couchette

On board the sleeper from Paris to Bourg St Maurice, a motley collection of passengers try to get a quiet nights sleep as the train makes its way across France. But as the sleeping compartment fills up, the chances of that begin to look highly unlikely. In deuxieme classe, everyone can hear you scream.

1 - Sardines

It is the day of Rebecca and Jeremys engagement party, and everyone (well, nearly everyone) has turned up to the old house to wish them well. Except that one of the bedrooms, the one with all the old baggage in it, has been left unlocked...

1 - The Referee's A W***er

The beautiful game. The crunch clash between United and Rovers in the last match of the season, all safely in the care of the four match officials.

1 - Wuthering Heist

Pantalone has in an audacious plan to steal a consignment of diamonds worth a tasty £12 million. But he has hired a complete bunch of double-crossing clowns to do it.

2 - Bernie Clifton's Dressing Room

Its been 30 years since Northern double-act Len and Tommy last appeared on stage together, that fateful night at the Glasgow Pavilion. Then Tommy walked out on Len, and that was curtains for Cheese & Crackers. Until now - and one last gig in front of an invited audience.

2 - The Riddle of the Sphinx

Nina thinks Professor Squires has all the answers when actually, neither has a clue what the future holds. With deadly intent, they commence a battle of wits to solve the puzzle and reveal the guardian of their fate.

2 - The 12 Days of Christine

Christine Clarke brings a new man back to her flat from a New Years Eve party, and immediately her life starts to unravel. Who is the terrifying stranger that keeps appearing in the flat at night?

2 - A Quiet Night In

Gerald owns a beautiful house with lots of beautiful things in it. Beautiful things that are also extremely valuable. The kind of things that might just become the target of an audacious criminal enterprise.

2 - Death Be Not Proud

Beattie and Sam are a young couple finally on the property ladder. But the only flat they can afford has a dark and sinister past, a past that demands to be heard.

2 - Simon Says

Everyone says the Season 7 finale of fantasy epic The Ninth Circle was pretty disappointing; even show-runner Spencer Maguire is keen to move on to new projects. But not everyone thinks that it has to be the end of the matter. In fact, Ninth Circle obsessive Simon Smethurst decides to visit his hero to help put things right. Because thats what the fans would want…

3 - Once Removed

According to the Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale, the three most troubling experiences in life are the death of a spouse, divorce and imprisonment. Moving house is only 32nd on the list. But anything could happen in the last 10 minutes of this episode. Or the 10 minutes before that. Or the first 10 minutes for that matter.

3 - Empty Orchestra

What better way to celebrate Rogers promotion than a full-on, old-school karaoke session? An evening of hopes, dreams, intrigue, romance, betrayal and an awful lot of singing.

3 - The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge

Two of Englands most notorious and feared witch-finders are summoned by Sir Andrew Pike to the unassuming village of Little Happens in order to try an old woman. Elizabeth Gadge stands accused of consorting with the Devil, most lewdly and on divers occasions. If she is found guilty, she will burn. It is very definitely the most exciting event in Little Happens since the business of the escaped cow.

3 - Tom & Gerri

Tom is a primary school teacher with ambitious ideas of becoming an author. When he tries to repay a good turn from a late-night caller, he gradually becomes the victim of his own generosity.

3 - Love's Great Adventure

Trevor and Julia always want to make Christmas really special for their family, but this year, with money so tight, things arent going to be easy. As each door of the Advent calendar opens, everyone will have to do their bit to make Christmas happen.

3 - Lip Service

Felix is pretty certain his wife is up to something with her boss Dmitri, so he decides to hire some help to prove things one way or the other. When professional lip-reader Iris arrives with her powerful binoculars, the couple stake out a hotel bedroom and start to gather their evidence.

4 - To Have and To Hold

Adrian spends his time photographing other couples weddings, but his own marriage to Harriet is far from happy. Can they renew their vows, spice up their love life and make a fresh start, or have they just run out of love, trust and time?

4 - Diddle Diddle Dumpling

Found - one black mans shoe. David and Louises world is changed forever by a seemingly random discovery in a local street.

4 - Cold Comfort

Its Andys first day as a volunteer at the Comfort Support Line call centre, which offers the lonely and desperate a chance to talk about their problems. All the CSL counsellors have their own ways of dealing with clients, coping with the emotional stress and killing time between phone calls. But is Andy really prepared for whats to come?

4 - Last Gasp

Tamsin is a very sick little girl, so Jan and Graham asked WishmakerUK to brighten up their daughters birthday. The charity is bringing along a very special guest indeed - none other than the legendary singer Frankie J Parsons.

4 - Misdirection

World-famous magician Neville Griffin is extremely protective of his secrets, but student journalist Gabriel is determined to get an interview nonetheless. Griffin actually believes that stealing a magic trick is probably worse than murder. How would he know that, exactly?

4 - Hurry Up and Wait

Actor James is waiting for his big moment on ITVs new crime drama in a static caravan, owned by a strange family that clearly have something to hide.

5 - And the Winner Is...

Will it be the star, the dame, the girl-next-door or the ingenue? Only one of them can win. Join the jury in their deliberations for the Television Awards at the headquarters of the Royal Academy of Motion Picture Arts. A shortlist of eight great performances, but only one actress will thank the jury in their acceptance speech.

5 - Private View

Fragments. A very special invitation to a private view of Elliot Quinns final exhibition of pieces at The Nine Gallery in east London. Champagne and canapes.

5 - Nana's Party

It is Nanas special day: it isnt every day you get to be 79. She is excited about spending the afternoon with her whole family - even Pat and Jim, who both love a great practical joke. Her Angela has put on a lovely spread, including a huge cake. But as Nana says, Dont worry about the future: you cant predict it.

5 - The Understudy

Tony Warners performance as Macbeth is the toast of Londons West End. It would be very bad luck indeed if he was suddenly indisposed in some way. Except for Jim, his ever-hopeful understudy, of course.

5 - Thinking Out Loud

Seven disparate characters share their stories with a camera, their fates inevitably, inextricably and unknowingly set for a head-on collision.

5 - How Do You Plead?

Urban knows that Webster is not well and is not an easy man to look after, but on this particular night, something is coming that will test both of them to the very end.

6 -

6 - Tempting Fate

A dead hoarders flat, a blood-stained floor, a dead rat and a terrible, inescapable curse from beyond the grave. All in an ordinary days work for council contractors Keith, Nick and Maz.

6 - Seance Time

Having never consulted the spirit world before, Tina isnt quite sure what to expect. Her visit to the spiritualist medium Madam Talbot has been arranged by her sister. Hives, Talbots assistant in the mundane world, seems quite helpful, but theres something already waiting for Tina on the Other Side, and Hives knows all about it.

6 - The Harrowing

Ordinarily, Hector and Tabitha never go out as they have to look after their disabled elder brother. But tonights event is so special that they are going to need a carer. And Katys not going to turn down £88, is she?

6 - The Stakeout

Two police officers always have time to get to know each other on the night shift. But PC Thompsons previous partner died in a brutal attack less than a month ago, the forensics have gone missing, and PC Varney is beginning to ask a lot of awkward questions.

6 - Last Night of the Proms

Dawn and Mick are hosting their annual Last Night of the Proms party, the perfect antidote to post-Brexit Britain. But not everyone is singing from the same song sheet